People don't change, but they do improve.

By regaining the connection, about 6 months ago, with someone I've always cared for dearly, I went from being alive as aspergers, to living as me with aspergers.

At first, it was a whirlwind, a storm of trying to understand this new found freedom, it even went rock bottom for a moment because I found out my dog had cancer and probably won't make the summer. But once I knew that much, I went straight for the top again.

I improved, she reminded me, I was me, with or without aspergers.

She loved the core of me, more importantly, she had always seen the core of me.

Then, 3 months ago, I made a new connection, and since then, I've experienced things, relationship, sex (lots of it :p), fighting, loving, caring, not seeing someone for weeks and still knowing they'll love you just as much when you see them again.

Now I was me, 3.0.

I lost nearly all insecurity, all anxiety, all fear, because she showed me, there is no need for it, she showed me, its not me.

Thanks to these 2 girls, I understood about myself, that "me" is what people find attractive and that the insecurity people see in me, isn't me, but Aspergers.

Because I have Aspergers, I'm prone to fears and anxiety, of things unknown.

But for me, once I've experienced something, once I've conquered a fear, once I've learned, it is gone, for good.

I am now, me, 4.0

I still have Aspergers, I still see the world differently, I still think differently, I still feel differently, but I'm free to be me, free of that fear, the fear that made me insecure.

No matter where the rabbit hole goes, I now am me, without restrictions.

What I want to say with all this, in 6 months, I changed from a whimpering piece of meat, that could barely be called alive, to being me, alive, living and kicking. Turns out "me", "ego", has never been the problem, that "me" has always been ok, correct, perfect in a way.

In 6 months, I've progressed so immensely, its annoying that this hadn't happened many many years ago.

There's no use in dwelling on the past though, regretting things that can not be changed.

Yes, things would've been better if I found out I had aspergers before I entered highschool.

What matters is knowing now, what I want, what I want to be, who I want to be with, being able to be just me.

What matters is making these things happen, because I know I can.

"Me" hasn't changed at all, people don't change anyway, but "me" was never the problem to start with.

I'll keep on learning, keep on experiencing, until "me" is all there is left.

Its funny that it has taken all this and all that time for me to discover that about myself, when the reason I like that first girl, is just because, of her I've always known and felt that her core, is a wonderful person. Her "me" is like me, tainted and distorted to the outside world by layers added on top of the real me.

She, like me, is still learning to know herself as I've always seen her core to be.

And its she, who helped me, by just knowing her, to find out I have aspergers, and now again to get out of the slump of being aspergers and returning to the path of learning to be just, simply, me.

So Double Thanks to K and Big Thanks to L, you saved "me" and set me free.